For those of you who don’t know The Office is premiering its 7th season tonight at 9pm (eastern) on channels 7 and 10 (aka NBC.) And for the few who haven’t realized it yet I’m a little bit completely almost entirely obsessed with it. I just kind of pretty much want to be Pam, okay!
I felt that it was really important to write a how to guide for the newbies out there who might want to watch it with veteran Office fans. At first thought…you might think that you want to turn watching The Office into a drinking game…great idea for reruns..but this is a never before seen episode…get loud and noisy and true fans may drop kick you out their 5th story apartment window. Now I know you might think I’m a little too dedicated, and I probably am, but this is just general curiosity for premiers!
For me…I have been looking forward to this episode since NBC started promoting…well in all honesty since season 6 ended. But today I need this more than anything. I’m not only tired of dealing with people who don’t know how to use an indoor voice, but I’m pretty fed up with being the nice guy. I’m in one of those moods where I either want to curl up in a ball and cry or start yelling at someone (I mean a horrible friendship breaking fight) or get into a wild fist fight. I think the last would be the most fun.
Anyway, I need this…if anyone is planning on watching The Office with me tonight I suggest they heed my advice, or I will go all Andy on their ass. Or just pull a prank on them..
How to watch The Office:
Step 1: Around 8 O’clock begin getting all of your supplies ready. This includes,but is not limited to, a blanket, a drink (wine in a can?), popcorn, peanut M&M’s, a bucket to pee in (in case you can’t make it to the commercial break), your Office character costume (mines Pam, white sneakers khaki skirt and pink stripped button down shirt), and your phone to tweet during commercial breaks.
Step 2: At 8:30pm sit down on the couch. Pick your favorite spot. This is extremely important! You must get there half an hour early or someone may try to steal control of the T.V. (and if they are a non commercial person that means you man miss minutes of your Office…NOT OKAY.) You also need to scout out the best spot to sit. You need the full view of the T.V., no view of the door or windows (too distracting) and a quick pathway to the bathroom.
Step 3: At 8:45pm turn the channel to NBC. (or sooner if you’re like me and are obsessed with NBC’s thursday night line up) If you turn it now you have officially declared T.V. Control. if someone tries to steal it from you use everything you have to scare them away…ie. Barking, Growling, Biting, Tickling, Marking your Territory, Putting them in Jello, Sending them faxes from the CIA (distraction technique), locking them in bathrooms etc.
Step 4: At 8:58pm Freak out. This is the one time you can jump up and down, yell, scream whatever…get it out.
Step 5: At 8:59pm Breath in deep..you should hear silence.
Step 6: 9:00pm You hear the beginning of the cold opening “No..No No NO no” (it’s on Hulu) a smile creeps on your face.
Step 7: The first commercial break is on. You realize you haven’t been breathing and now have an uncontrollable urge to pee. You need to run, run now! Time yourself! (maybe a week in advance start practicing, it has to be under a minute…you can get there!) Have you friend counting down for you. But go fast, have the water already running to shave a few seconds off your time.
Step 8: It’s back! Time to be quiet again. Don’t even dare take a bite of your carrot! Carrots aren’t aloud when watching The Office…
Step 9: It’s 9:25, it’s almost over. You’re bracing yourself for the end. You’ve obviously been tweeting the entire time and have an understanding with your fellow twitter buddies to not ruin any twists that happen (poor west coasters!)
Step 10: You made it..it’s 9:30pm the episode ended and you finally found out that Dwight is really a Dragon and dating Tyra Banks.
Oh and if any NBC Higher Up’s are still reading this..I’m looking for a job. (and ..I’m just saying…I would be an amazing addition to the writing team for The Office) in case you’re looking to hire.