Monthly Archives: October 2011

Nanny Diaries: Meet Jabba the Hutt

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When I started taking care of this adorable little boy I had no idea what I was getting myself into. From feeding to blow outs, it was all a surprise. However, today we are focusing on the latter.

Every time I say feeding I think of a fat piglet chowing down a troth full of scraps and gravy drippings. Feeding a three-month old is basically the same thing, just messier.

First, if you can’t get to the bottle fast enough he turns into a screaming alien, hands flailing, face turning red…and then comes the head butts. It’s like he knows to go for my nose, the side with the nose ring obviously.

Once we are seated, burp cloth in place, baby in arm, bottle in hand, he starts doing this weird mouth thing, similar to this. That’s how I came to the decision that all babies (until about a year) are really Jabba the Hutt offsprings. Think about it..

All they do is lay around and eat. They are covered in fat rolls, and when they laugh it takes more effort then it should. They slither everywhere, parents (or nanny) are basically slaves who will do anything to please them, and although they are cute…you can’t help but be a little terrified. Yes, I just called Jabba the Hutt cute but terrifying.

And that, my loyal readers, is how I am a nanny to a three-month old offspring of Jabba the Hutt. Stay tuned for next week: “Nanny Diaries: Can an exorcism be performed on a baby?”

Who wants to be grown up anyway?

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I thought I would have at least a couple of years after college. I mean, I’m still in the kid mentality…stay up late, eat sugar, run around, then crash. That has to mean something right?

Just because I move out doesn’t mean I have to grow up right away…or does it?

Now that I’m five months out of college it seems everyone around me has begun their decent into adulthood, something I’m not ready to tackle…not in the least. I’m still  using the microwave to cook all of my meals, refusing to brush my hair, over accessorizing every chance I get, and wearing patterned tights with patterned dresses.

I don’t want to grow up and be responsible, I want to live a carefree life of peanut butter sandwiches and not caring if my shirt and pants match. I’m afraid that once I start moving toward adulthood I’ll lose the me that has always made me…well me.

Maybe it’s the pom poms on my shoes, or the bright pink bow in my hair, but gosh darn it I’m not ready to grow up. And I am prepared to kick and scream my way to avoid  just that.

Nanny Diaries: Intro

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After I graduated from college I was going to move to New York, find some high paying job writing (HAH) and live in a studio close (if not identical) to Carrie’s. Funny how things turn out.

Instead I’m being motorboated by an eight-week old, spit up on, and now have various shirts that smell like poop. And the poop isn’t mine. In a world where it’s all about who you know, I somehow ended up on the short end of the stick.

After four weeks of not working, and not being able to find something that I would enjoy, I decided to give being a nanny a whirl. Because it wasn’t my first choice I was picky…I only  wanted a baby (because babies are cute), I wanted as many hours as possible, I want to find parents that I could talk to if there was an overlap, and I wanted to be comfortable.

On the last week of September I found just that, we met at Starbucks (already a good sign), she is close to my age (kind of), and her baby boy is the cutest baby boy I have ever seen. It was love at first sight, I had him smiling and he had me wrapped around his little pudgy baby fingers (literally).

It’s been an interesting three (going on four) weeks, I’ve learned a bit about myself (surprisingly I can keep calm in stressful situations) and have maybe discovered what it is I want to do (although that is a bit more iffy than the above).

So in lieu of my new job title I’m going to start a new “Nanny Diaries” post once a week. Sorry this one wasn’t exciting or cute. Stay tuned for next weeks post “Nanny Diaries: Meet Jabba the Hut”

Dear God, please do me this one solid

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If you do exist, which I am still not completely certain about (and we both know why), then could you please rapture everyone I know this coming Friday. I don’t need to be included in the rapture, I just would like to make sure the people in my life are safe.

If I am left on earth, as I assume I will be, can you please leave behind Ryan Gosling as well. I’m hoping if there are fewer people I’ll have a better shot with him. Though, you should help me out with that, I mean you kind of owe me and everything. 

Also, for like a week, could you make air fare and Starbucks free? Since I will only have limited time, I’d like to see most of Europe, Egypt, India, and New Zealand….obviously while drinking Pumpkin Spice lattes.

As I recall, from an episode of American Dad, if I help you in your fight, with big scary monsters from Hell, then I will get saved. I’m not going to do that. I think I’d rather lounge by a pool sipping on alcoholic beverages with Mr. Gosling (Ryan, not the creepy guy with eight kids).

I know you think this is a huge favor, but really…it’s not. I don’t know that many people, plus most of them were probably on your list already. So really, you should  thank me, I’ve just created a starter list for you.

Oh, and one more thing, if you really do smite people, can you smite me in some awesome way (assuming that’s what you plan for the people left on earth/hell/whatever it is renamed..maybe Mordor?). I’m thinking glitter, Oprah and a unicorn …I’m sure you can come up with something close enough to that, I’m mean since you created the world and everything…

Well that’s all for now. If I think of anything else I’ll be sure to send a carrier pigeon.

xoxo

Courtney

Is it bad to get comfortable?

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Whenever I have reached a point in my life where I can rest, and stop worrying, things always tend to get shaken up. And usually, not in a good way. It’s as if the fates are pushing me to never settle.

But what if, just for right now, comfortable is good enough? What if I’m tired of trying to be better, and just want to be average? Isn’t that allowed every once in awhile?

In this very moment, I’m content. I’m not thinking about my life in ten years, what career decisions I need to make in order to stay on top, or who I should be connecting with. I’m taking one day at a time while spending it with an adorable ten week old baby ( for the record the baby is not mine, I’m just their nanny). Is that such a bad thing?