I understand this is the 21st century, and as a woman I’m supposed to feel empowered to ask a guy out. That, due to the overwhelming amounts of bra’s the were burned in the 70′s I should want to make the first move. But uh, yeah…I’m not really feeling it.
To quote one of my amazingly funny friends: “For every hair I wax, it’s another dollar I want you to spend .” This came out in one of her comedy shows while talking about how she used to feel bad when guys paid for dinner, that she was all about equality. Then after getting her first Brazilian decided that there was no gender equality situation great enough for her to feel guilty about accepting a free dinner.
This is why I’m all set with being the one to move the first mountain, and frankly lady friends you should be too.
Guys need to stand up and say it, not just putt around whatever they’re trying to get across. This goes both ways too.
If I’m not interested in a guy you know what I do, I tell them (in a nice way of course, but straightforward). You know what guys do, they don’t answer your texts, they stop calling..and while yes this is a clear hint- wouldn’t it be just as easy to say “hey while it was really fun getting to know you I’m just not feeling the ‘spark.’ best of luck on your dating adventures!” Clear, easy, and to the point!
I guarantee you girls will appreciate the honesty, or at least a version of the honesty…no girl needs to hear “thought you were cuter last night at the bar, I’d rather chew my arm off then be seen with you in public again.”
Okay, so we got this guys? Stop being so darn allusive with your damn game playing. No one likes your mind games, and I promise you won’t be scoring any “pie” with them either.
Remember that scene in Clueless where Cher says, “When is your birthday?” and finds that she’s 3 months older, therefore more qualified to give advice? Yeah, I’m going to play that card.
All of that stuff about women being he aggressor is actually counter productive from what I’ve found. I thought that if I always made the first move or tried to ask a guy out on a date it was a turn off. I think it’s OK to let him know you’re interested in saying something like, “Hey, you want to go for a drink sometime?” and see if you get a positive response, but if you do, you have to sit back and let him be the one to actually make the date. If you come across as the aggressor they feel that it’s masculine energy and it turns them off. Boys still like to chase girls, so let him chase you. If he’s not chasing you then he doesn’t want to go out with you… I’m one of those people who always want to know where I stand so I always make the mistake of trying to nail down the actual date and realize I shoot myself in the foot when I do that. I made the decision that I was just going to go about my own life, be busy, be PRESENT, but not-so-available, and it works! Guys like a challenge, so challenge them a little bit!
Whenever I feel like there’s a guy who’s interested but who isn’t making the next move I always remember the adage, “If he wants to date you HE WILL.”
Just saw your blog on the Boston Bloggers FB group page. Love this post!
xo
Kristin
bishopandrook.blogspot.com