Category Archives: Advice

How To Build a Better Blog (Part 1)

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While it may seem ironic I’m writing an article on building a better blog (practice what you preach right?), I am.

Lately I’ve come to terms with just how much of an ENFP I really am. You see, I’m great at big picture projects, I can figure out the solution to a problem you can’t even see. And my solution is going to be great, so great that I’ll start working on it immediately – however by the beginning of the execution process I’m ready to move on. But like I said, my solution is so great and well planned that someone else can carry it out.

It’s the same thing with blogging. I like to write about myself, I enjoy going back and being able to read about my life and I think there is something special when you really get to see the writer. However, I know that if I want to be taken more seriously in the marketing world I need to have a clearer focus. I need to give advice on “building better blogs” and creating the next Red Bull content strategy.

But, that’s just not what makes me happy. At the end of the day I don’t want to discuss content strategy, I want to talk about my dating life and how stupid the men in it are – and maybe even throw in some advice about how not to end up alone, or why being alone is better. 

Back to the point, I’m really good at telling people how to be better at things. I’m great at creating plans for them and showing them how to execute it – I even supply them with tools on how to do this.

Which is why I taught a class on How to Build a Better Blog at the BCAE last month. Which was entertaining to say the least, I learned that I’d rather teach about becoming a better writer than the technical aspects of blogging.

Anyway, back to making your blog great.

Here’s what you need to do:

Step 1: Pick a focus - pick a topic you want to learn about, you’ll be more inclined to research it as well as continually write on it. Also, make sure it’s broad enough to give you an abundance of topics.

Step 2: Be Relatable - No one is going to read your blog if they can’t relate to you. However, that’s not to say if you have a bitch-tastic- tone no one will read – as there are plenty of bitch-tastic people. It’s just a matter of finding the subject matter that will relate to the broadest spectrum of people (unless you’re just writing for yourself, in which case write whatever your little heart desires).

Step 3: Be Consistent -  Don’t be like me and only write when the wine blows to the north-east. Pick a schedule, and make a point to stick to it. Either write Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, and Publish Tuesday, Thursday,  and Saturday, or vise versa – really whatever works for you and  will make you be consistent.

So now you have the foundation of how to build a better blog, check back in a week (maybe two though, I am getting a new puppy after all) when I’ll get into the nitty, gritty, truth of why your blog sucks and how to fix it.

How to Decide What You Want to Do

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One of the questions we all face after completing one stage in our life it’s “what do we want to do next?” Obviously, I’m facing this now. I gave a month’s notice to my job  last week with no potential job  in hand and am heading into the scary and unknown world of unemployment.

What do I want to do next is the question that haunts my nightmares.

There are two things I know, one is that I want to do something that betters people’s lives. Since heart surgeon is out of the question (I have a minor fear of blood) it’s been a trying time to figure out what it is that I want to end up doing. The other thing is I’ve lost my passion, I’ve been hopping from passion to passion for years now and while I continue to come back to writing I’m nervous it’s not strong enough to pull me into a career of that (I see this while writing two books…so maybe I’m just being dumb).

I was talking with a coworker about this the other day though, and she said something that stuck with me “Go with your skills, not your passion.” Think about it? What is more consistent in  people’s lives, your skills. Yes they can always improve, but for the most part you won’t suddenly lose them – knock on wood. But your passion changes with the wind, just yesterday I was contemplating being an astronaut - okay maybe I just considering going on a one way trip to mars.

Basically, what I’m getting at is passion change, skills improve. If you want a job work on making your skills better, become irreplaceable  If you pick a career with the skill set your most proud of you’re bound to enjoy what you’re doing. If you pick something your passionate about now, you may find yourself in a completely different place within the year.

So how do you decide your next move? Look at what you’re good at. Chances are you’re good at it for a reason – and you’ve obviously developed those skills for a reason too – go into something where those skills can shine. Then become irreplaceable, because once you’re irreplaceable it’s hard not to find passion in something.

I Quit My Dream Job

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I quit what I thought was my dream job yesterday.

After struggling for a month and a half to force myself to love both the highs and lows I decided to leave. With a heavy heart I wrote my brief resignation letter and waited until 4:30pm to discuss with my director the next steps moving forward.

It’s not a decision I made lightly. I had been in talks with him since March to find a different place within the company, something that involved more creative duties. But alas (yes I just wrote alas) there was nothing that fit my needs and theirs.

After a job proposal, an internal interview, and over a month and a half since admitting to both myself and the company that I wasn’t happy my journey here is finally over.

I’ve avoided writing about my struggles with this company for a while, but I think it’s important to fully address it now.

As I’ve mentioned in the past I have issues with stress. My body basically doesn’t have the right balance to deal with stressful situations. So when I get into an overloaded stress situation my body shuts down. Which is what happened in late February.

It was terrifying that a job I though was my dream career was basically shutting down my body. Eventually I went to the doctor, after suffering three panic attacks in a month, and was put on anxiety medicine.

The decision to quit at first had a lot to do with my physical health. I was told by countless friends that I couldn’t let a job basically destroy my health. They were right, but I couldn’t admit to myself that I wasn’t able to handle this balancing act.

I felt inadequate, so rather than listening to my body I kept pushing on.

I was so stressed out that I wasn’t remembering to eat. I was exhausted all the time and bitter. Not to mention just plain mean.

I worked late, and resented my job for it. It was impossible to meet the amount of deadlines I was dealing with while still thinking about my health.

I don’t know what woke me up, but I finally realized I didn’t want to live like this. I didn’t want to put my health on the back burner and do something because “it was supposed” to be my dream job.

Sometimes dream jobs don’t work out the way we want them to, and that’s okay. 

When I started this job it had all the elements I’d always wanted, building strategies, dealing with multiple clients, and surrounded by an amazing work environment. But that’s not exactly what it ended up being for my actual position.

So I quit with a months notice to smooth over transitions. I quit with no job offer because that’s what I needed to do, because when we finally see what a job does to us it’s important to fix all of the wrongs before moving on.

And the first wrong I’m fixing is to start putting my health first.

How To Date Yourself

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Just because you’re alone during the month of February doesn’t mean you need to cry in a dark room while downing copious amounts of wine, stolen chocolate, and Adele blaring from your speakers.

Though, that may sound like a great alternative, why not try something out of the Liz Lemon book : Date yourself.

I’ve found myself bouncing from relationship to relationship (if you can even call them that) continually over the past two years. The longest I’ve been alone has probably amounted to a month, at the absolutely most. But even then I still had someone on the back burner.

Before my insane relationship hopper mentality I was always alone, always the third wheel, and always fine with it. But lately I can’t get swept up fast enough, even if I can’t stand the person doing the sweeping. I let it happen because I want to be loved so badly I don’t care who it’s coming from.

Most of this is my fault though; I’m so afraid of being alone that I surround myself with anyone who will be near me.

That isn’t healthy. Which is why I started therapy.

I have good days though, days when I’m like “I can do this, I got this. Who needs someone to love you..”  Then after I have a half conversation with myself, or a love song sneaks on my Kanye Pandora station, I spiral down again and run for the chocolates.

Yes, eating your feelings is completely normal. Suck it Jenny Craig.

Anyway, back to being alone and dating yourself…because that sounds way more awesome than eating an entire bag of chocolates.

It’s important to take time to get to know yourself. Take yourself out for coffee, treat yourself to a glass of wine and a slice of pizza at your favorite place.

While it may sound silly, think of it this way: You spend all of this time getting to know a stranger, learning about their hopes and dreams…but how much time do you spend learning about yourself?

Honestly though, have you ever had a conversation with yourself? Not in a crazy person way, but in a getting to know yourself way. I’m not sure how I can make that not sound crazy, hopefully you just get the point.

It’s important to spend time getting to know yourself, so dust off your favorite dress and take yourself out for a night on the town.

How To Get Back on the Horse (metaphorically speaking of course)

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online dating advice I created a dating profile again. I know, sound the alarms…I can hear the surprise in your gasp for air.

It was a low moment, one of those “Oh-my-god-I’m-going-to-be-alone-forever-pass-the-chocolate” anxiety attacks that drove me back to Okcupid.  But, I have to say, it isn’t terrible this time around.

Maybe it’s because I’m in the city, maybe it’s because I just want to date for the sake of meeting new people. Whatever the reason, I’m enjoying it and am fine.

I’ve been on a few dates so far and slowly working my way into thinking I could seriously date again – the past three weeks have just been for fun (and because I didn’t want to go grocery shopping).

But after a more recent series of dates I’m starting to think I could develop feelings again. Which, after the fall, I was starting to wonder if it was even possible.

Step 1: Give the horse the middle finger - Before you can try again it’s okay to get angry. So get angry at your horse. Whether it’s dating, or an actual horse, it’s okay to be angry or upset.

Step 2: Prepare to ride again - Just because you are getting back on the horse doesn’t mean you need to do it in one swift motion. Take your time, ease into it if you have to. There’s no rush on your side of things, so why not move at your own pace?

Step 3: Practice - Practice makes perfect right? If you’re horse is dating then go on some practice dates. Pick out people who you think would be fun and go from there. There doesn’t need to be a romantic-comedy chemistry right off the bat, just something to get your dating senses tingling.

Step 4: Mount it -  Not in the sexual way. But actually get back on the horse. For me it’s dating seriously, looking for someone to maybe, actually, be in a relationship with. While I don’t know if I’m there yet I’m becoming more open to the idea. For you, maybe it’s finally riding your horse. So take the step, jump up and let ‘er go – maybe just a brisk walk to start though.