Life in the City: My Carrie Bradshaw Moment

your girl is lovely hubbell

“Your girl is lovely Hubbell”

Our every man, every kiss, every heartache, is preordered from some cosmic catalog, can we take a wrong step & wander off our milky way? I couldn’t help but wonder, can you make a mistake and miss your fate?

Fate. I stopped believing in it when I was 7 after some misguided plan had taken my mom. But now, I can’t help but silently wish there was a plan set in place just so I wouldn’t have to worry about the long drawn out plan, and instead could just enjoy the messy bits of life. If only it were that simple.

I discovered a twitter stream that shared all of Sex and The City’s greatest quotes, including one of my absolute favorite moments “She’s a lovely girl, Hubbell.” And besides reciting all of my inner thoughts as if it were a grand soliloquy that only the audience and I could hear, it got me thinking about fate.

What do we really know about it?  Could one wrong step, one wrong timing of a kiss,  really put you out of sync with yours?

I don’t think so, or at least I hope not. If there is a grand plan out there set in place, wouldn’t it just continue plowing through whether we liked it or not. I mean, hello! Serendipity.

Then again, I’m too strong-minded to believe anyone but me is in charge of my fate.

Life in The City: Oh, That’s Why People Hate the Green Line

So, when I moved to the city I decided to sell my car.

I wanted to start a new life, one that was eco-friendly. Well, mainly because I hated driving and the cost of gas and car insurance was cramping my frequent trips to the bar. But, to make me sound like a good person let’s go with eco-friendly.

My parents brought my bike up, because I’m in super good shape and thought it would be a brilliant idea to ride my bike to the Red Line every day.

After a week of that trend, I gave up and bought a monthly pass…I know super eco-friendly.

Living in Hipsterville there are two ways to get into the city, Bus or the Green line. I opted for the Green line because busses scare me (a topic for another post). Little did I know that the Green line would terrify me just as much, if not more.

I’m not sure if it’s due to being claustrophobic, or maybe it’s the constant feeling that the train will tip over at any minute. But either way, not a fan.

Though, the ear screeching sound it makes as it rounds the bend at Park St always gives me fair warning it’s approaching. Which is a nice addition.

Luckily I’ve come up with a plan: avoid the Green line at all cost during rush hour. While this may not sound like a plan, anyone who has been pushed into a Green Line car during rush hour will agree that it is indeed an excellent plan.

Picture hoards of people rushing into a small room, now picture that room having to move and stop. Now imagine being shoved next to a growler (an elderly woman with a horrific face that growls when stared at) and a marshmallow man (while this may sound positive, it is not. In fact, this would be the 400 pound man who has not showered in 4 days and has just been to the gym). With each stop you are swung into one of them.

That is why avoiding rush hour is the best possible plan.

This is also why everyone I have talked to, and told, about taking the Green Line twice a day gives me a sympathetic look and a pat on the back.

Photo via

A Year in The Ghetto

Last year, around this time, I was moving into a broken down apartment with glass covered sidewalks. It was my first apartment, as well as bestfriend Kate’s, and it was home.

There were nights when we were thankful for the door between our rooms, especially the four weekends we couldn’t tell if it was fire works or fun shots we kept hearing. And there were nights when all I wanted to do was cry into her shoulder, wondering if we were really ready for this huge step into adultdom.

In the end, we were…well at least I think we were. Through the awful breakups, to the funny first dates, we stuck it out and managed to stay bestfriends while renting an apartment together (a feat most did not think we would make it through, but we did).

Over the past year I’ve changed, lost friends that I thought I would stay in touch with for years, and had an abundance of men flocking to my side (well not really, but from reading my blog you would think so).  I’ve even, dare I say, mellowed out. Things I used to stress about I’ve learned to let roll off my back. Yes, you did just hear me say that, probably for the first time ever.

I’ve had four different jobs, one being a nanny which made me realize – not only am I far too young to take care of a child, I don’t know if I even want to have children anymore.  The other two helped me realize I need to work in online marketing, and I need to work crazy hours or else I will just get bored. Also I can not be in charge of a filing system…ever.

I found out I can run a mile. Most of my inspiration to continue was because I thought I was being followed by some crazy gang, but I digress. After a month of not sitting on my butt I found out running is the best solution to dealing with stress. Especially when I don’t want to come home to sit and write, after sitting and writing all day.

To anyone who went to jr. high with me: I no longer slowly walk around the block, I run. And am no longer a pudgy awkward little girl. More of a semi (getting in shape) 23 year old with a super cool job, still awkward though.

So, here I sit, in my boyfriend’s apartment (my room is still being cleaned) in Boston excited to start a new chapter of my life. Hopefully one filled with more Sushi than gun shots.

Goodbye Ghetto superstar life, Hello Hipsterville.

“Supposed to” vs “Want to” (Part 1)

Girls running

In my mind this is what I looks like during a run...

I am supposed to be writing a “homework” post for this inbound marketing class I am taking. But as most people know I hate writing pre decided posts on my personal blog. So instead I’m going to do what I want to, which is write about love, life and other crap that we all go through on a  daily basis.

This morning I went for a jog, I say jog like I’m in shape but really it was persuading myself to run to the end of my street, walk a block then run half way down the next street and walk to dunks.

I know that sounds like a normal fat girl solution to working out but it motivated me a little, instead of eating a donut (which looked so amazing glistening in the dim store lights) I am know eating half a bowl of Kashi cereal (I say half because anymore and I might actually develop a liking to cardboard..although that would solve my obsessive sweets intake so maybe that would be a good thing).

Anyway, the point of bringing this up (this being health and fitness and other things fat girls normally avoid) was to maybe inspire you to try something new. Whenever I’m in a bit of rut (like say now) I always need something to break me out of it. And if a sort of, kind of, not really much of a, jog is a way to start for me…maybe it could be for you?

On a side note, I went on my first date since the break up. Details to follow.

I’m having a midlife crisis

Before you start in, I realize I’m only 23 so technically this might not be the normal midlife crisis stage (unless I only live to be 46, in which case I’m right on target). 

I woke up the other day feeling like someone had piled stones on top of me. I couldn’t catch my breath, so I hit snooze.

Since September I’ve been hitting the snooze button on my life. I became a nanny because I wanted something easy, I didn’t want to think about a career or my future. I wanted money to pay the rent, and work I couldn’t take home.

Both of which I got.

After four months of 12 hour days with a baby who cries more than Jenna Burke I’m finally quitting. My excitement of being done was quickly forgotten once I realized I have no idea what I want to do next.

Remember when people used to ask you “What do you want to be when you grow up?” My answer was always a princess, a singer, an actress…basically all the things a little girl was expected say.

Well, princess as a career isn’t looking too hot right now, and my stifling fear of being in front of an audience doesn’t make singer or actress seem too appealing anymore. So what’s a girl to do? After trying on so many different “career hats” (yes I will let you borrow that cheesy term) I have no idea which one fits best.

Usually it hasn’t been a problem to find what was next. I’ve always been lucky enough to be thrown into some new big adventure, either with a job offer or literally stumbling over something fun, none of which I was ever qualified for but somehow seemed to land.  But since graduating I feel like I’m losing my network, and that horrible sense of aloneness is taking over. That feeling of fighting unemployment by yourself; the fictional princess trying to tackle a great big dragon without her army of knights.

I realize I’m not the only one in this predicament, I know at least 10,000 other college graduates are wishing they had gone for their masters instead of a real job. But I still can’t shake this feeling of fighting an uphill battle all alone.

Where are my troops? and shouldn’t there be a number I can call for some backup?