Things I hate

Who wants to be grown up anyway?

I thought I would have at least a couple of years after college. I mean, I’m still in the kid mentality…stay up late, eat sugar, run around, then crash. That has to mean something right?

Just because I move out doesn’t mean I have to grow up right away…or does it?

Now that I’m five months out of college it seems everyone around me has begun their decent into adulthood, something I’m not ready to tackle…not in the least. I’m still  using the microwave to cook all of my meals, refusing to brush my hair, over accessorizing every chance I get, and wearing patterned tights with patterned dresses.

I don’t want to grow up and be responsible, I want to live a carefree life of peanut butter sandwiches and not caring if my shirt and pants match. I’m afraid that once I start moving toward adulthood I’ll lose the me that has always made me…well me.

Maybe it’s the pom poms on my shoes, or the bright pink bow in my hair, but gosh darn it I’m not ready to grow up. And I am prepared to kick and scream my way to avoid  just that.

Do It Yourself Attitude

I’ve decided now that I’m unemployed and on the job hunt, I’m going to be more of a do-it-yourself-er.

I wish I was talking about making cute jewelry, or helping my sister with her wedding invitations, but no. Instead, I’m talking about fixing things around my apartment. Before we go any further you should realize I have no idea what I’m doing, and I’ve also assumed that do it yourself videos will be of no use to me.

The first thing to fix was the lock. The lock that I may have, kind of, accidentally already broke. My thought process was, what’s the worst that can happen? It’s not like I’ll end up locked into my apartment unable to take the deadbolt off…right? wrong. After futzing with it I was able to get the latch to close, it just wouldn’t open. Not even with the key. So I was forced to unscrew it and tape it to the wall…you know, like the normal person I am.

Next up was the bathroom mirror, about three weeks ago our mirror broke. In a freak, cough paranormal cough, accident our mirror leaped off the wall and landed on the floor smashing into pieces, leaving a gaping hole in our wall. Not only a bit creepy, but very inconvenient. Instead of telling our landlord we needed it replaced, I decided to take things into my own hands…by buying a wrong sized mirror, being too lazy to return it, and making a cardboard frame. I can see you’re impressed…i’d be more than willing to create one of these gems for you (only 19.95 (plus shipping and handling) )

The one thing I seem to have done right so far was add the soft felt bottoms to all of the chair/table surfaces…although I seemed to have gone a little bit crazy with it.

I think Kate is starting to tire of my whole Ms. Fix It ‘tude. Who knows what is next, maybe I’ll make a lamp out of the three light bulbs I broke while putting together a lamp, or attempt to walk on our broken porch…nothing is safe now.Nothing.

Facebook Defriended

Can you be Facebook friends with someone who doesn’t share the same feelings as you? In the world of social media, what are the rules for kicking the guys who you screw out of your life?

Say I had been seeing this particular guy, who happened to say all of those perfect things that make you actually like him…weird, right? So, then you start to fall, you ask him what he was looking for and he answers “Casual Sex.” Say I might have been a little hurt by that, say I might have gone on two dates with two different guys that weekend. Say I then started sleeping with said causal sex guy. Worst part? It wasn’t even on my terms.

Why is it that when everything goes down it’s not “P.C.” to defriend someone on Facebook? Um, I’m sorry but I don’t want to see that you are dating someone else, or just “nailed some hot chick.” I know real classy. I’m all set with not ever seeing another update via Marky Z’s network about you.

So what does that say about me? Does it mean I’m immature because I don’t want to be public friends with a twit? Or does it mean that I’m immature because now I know he has no way of reading this blog post about him. I mean, if he was real.

I guess that leaves the question, can you defriend someone on Facebook without it coming back to haunt you?

I Hate the Word Package

This is what came up when I typed in package...

It’s not so much that I hate it, more that I just find it so awkward to say. And I owe that to bad 70’s porn and the misuses of it in sitcoms.

“Have I got a package for you” Oh good because I’ve been waiting for my, oh…you don’t have the clothes I ordered from American Eagle. You thought we were going to..ohhh.

See how awkward it is.

This isn’t just some random topic I thought up in my head, well it is kind of. I was walking to the mail room to because I had received an email earlier that day (yesterday since I know you are dying to find out) that said I had a package that needed to be picked up.

So while walking to the other side of campus I was struck with the thought, how am I going to ask about it without bursting into laughter like the 11-year-old I really am.

So I came up with ideas:

“Hi, I’m picking up a package” Still awkward

“I got an email saying I had a package” what kind of package?

“Hi, I’m looking for my package” …

No matter how I dressed the words around it the word just stayed utterly awkward with underlying sexual means. So by the time I go to the mail room I was dripping with anxiety hoping something appropriate would come out

“Do you have a package for me?” Not exactly what I was hoping for.

Thankfully it was a girl, who was more preoccupied with other things then my need to not sound awkward. I signed for it then left.

But why should there be all of this sexual-ness attached to such an innocent word. I’m sure brown packages do not want to be put in the same category as a penis. Just sayin’. Plus I think men have enough names for their special friends, lets let the postal service have this one.

This Guy, Won’t be Getting Any “Pie”!

I’m sure most of you internet savvy readers are aware of the email that is spreading like wild-fire around popular blogs. And if you are not, head over to Jezebel to check it out. But as a warning it is another degrading and disgusting excuse of a damaged man rambling about what he really wishes his college experience had been like.

Yes, I am a little bitter about the email. No I will not apologize for any attacks I plan on making about the author of that email. Now, let us begin with some of my favorite parts of the email:

“Let’s be honest, if it isn’t raw it isn’t real. Drawbacks of this philosophy are that you may have to visit the clinic more often than not, but a quick penicillin shot really isn’t that bad (trust me).”

Well first off, I’m so glad he is concerned about pregnancy. Because obviously that should be at the top of someones mind. Also, it is  refreshing to see how he cares about women’s health. Oh wait, he doesn’t do that…at all. Instead this frat boy is only concerned about scoring some “pie.” Oh if you haven’t read it yet “pie” is what he refers to the vagina as. Super romantic.

But then again a man who says this:

“Note: I will refer to females as “targets”. They aren’t actual people like us men. Consequently, giving them a certain name or distinction is pointless.”

Probably doesn’t care too much about the feelings of women. I really hope this guy has some sort of mental issue going on. I just can not see any other reason to talk about another human being like this. It’s disgusting.

The best part is that this man has slept with over 50 women! 50 women lined up to let this guy stick it in. I don’t know if I should be impressed that this guy is so manipulative to have scored that much, or extremely disappointed in my gender for letting this guy infect them! 50, is an obscene number considering this guy is 22 tops, unless he is a forever college student who needs to grow up, graduate and get a real life. Which in all truth could be the case.

Let me paint a picture of a 30-year-old man boy who still lives in a frat house dreaming of the days when he could actually land a young woman and have a connection with her. But now, he has no women in his life and since  his GPA was so low he was rejected from all of the graduate programs he applied too. So, he’s stuck working at the local fast food restaurant and still living in the Frat house watching his brothers live out their glory days while he sits on the couch resting his beer on his pot belly.

Although that would make me feel an ounce of sadness for him, there is no excuse for saying any of that. I don’t care if it is just “guy talk,” if you talk about any person in that manner you  obviously have something wrong with you mentally and should seek help. Immediately.