I Quit My Dream Job

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I quit what I thought was my dream job yesterday.

After struggling for a month and a half to force myself to love both the highs and lows I decided to leave. With a heavy heart I wrote my brief resignation letter and waited until 4:30pm to discuss with my director the next steps moving forward.

It’s not a decision I made lightly. I had been in talks with him since March to find a different place within the company, something that involved more creative duties. But alas (yes I just wrote alas) there was nothing that fit my needs and theirs.

After a job proposal, an internal interview, and over a month and a half since admitting to both myself and the company that I wasn’t happy my journey here is finally over.

I’ve avoided writing about my struggles with this company for a while, but I think it’s important to fully address it now.

As I’ve mentioned in the past I have issues with stress. My body basically doesn’t have the right balance to deal with stressful situations. So when I get into an overloaded stress situation my body shuts down. Which is what happened in late February.

It was terrifying that a job I though was my dream career was basically shutting down my body. Eventually I went to the doctor, after suffering three panic attacks in a month, and was put on anxiety medicine.

The decision to quit at first had a lot to do with my physical health. I was told by countless friends that I couldn’t let a job basically destroy my health. They were right, but I couldn’t admit to myself that I wasn’t able to handle this balancing act.

I felt inadequate, so rather than listening to my body I kept pushing on.

I was so stressed out that I wasn’t remembering to eat. I was exhausted all the time and bitter. Not to mention just plain mean.

I worked late, and resented my job for it. It was impossible to meet the amount of deadlines I was dealing with while still thinking about my health.

I don’t know what woke me up, but I finally realized I didn’t want to live like this. I didn’t want to put my health on the back burner and do something because “it was supposed” to be my dream job.

Sometimes dream jobs don’t work out the way we want them to, and that’s okay. 

When I started this job it had all the elements I’d always wanted, building strategies, dealing with multiple clients, and surrounded by an amazing work environment. But that’s not exactly what it ended up being for my actual position.

So I quit with a months notice to smooth over transitions. I quit with no job offer because that’s what I needed to do, because when we finally see what a job does to us it’s important to fix all of the wrongs before moving on.

And the first wrong I’m fixing is to start putting my health first.

Nanny Diaries: Can an exorcism be performed on a baby?

I had no idea how much babies can spit up in an hour when I first applied for this position. Not only can they spit up at least 10 times in one hour, they will, also sometimes you get a projectile spit up. Sometimes landing up your sleeve. yes I said up not on.

If there is one thing I can not handle it’s white, sticky. lumpy goo coming out of someone’s mouth. Oh please, get your head out of the gutter.  Basically anything that is coming up from ones stomach, I’m against.  So you can imagine my delight to find out how often it occurs on a regular basis.

My first thought was, clearly this baby is possessed. I mean there are even other signs, it’s not like I would make this stuff up…

The signs:

1. Projectile vomit

2. skin pealing in hair-line

3.Can turn head all the way around (well maybe not completely, but I’m sure if he could control his neck then yes, absolutely).

So you can understand my concern. Instead of watching Jabba’s offspring I’m stuck with satan in baby form.

I’m also positive that he controls the washing machine, as it goes off whenever he starts to cry…a mere coincidence? I think not. There are no coincidences in exorcisms.

And that, my loyal readers, is why I’m posing this question to you…and if you do know someone who can perform them get in touch (soon!). Stay tuned for next week: “Nanny Diaries: Baby Talk”

Playing the Waiting Game

In life, it seems, we are always waiting for something. Waiting in line, waiting for a call, waiting for a grade, waiting for an email about a job…always waiting. We spend 1/4 of our life just waiting.

It doesn’t always have to be waiting for something physical, something like waiting for something better to come along, waiting to realize that you need to change careers…so much waiting, and it would seem so little doing.

And you know what, waiting absolutely sucks. It’s stressful and boring and I’m pretty sure it causes weird rashes.

Why should we spend so much of our time just waiting

on things to happen? Shouldn’t we just tell ourselves to do it already and stop expecting something else to happen to us?

Since graduating I’ve spent every single day continually checking my email, waiting, wishing, hoping that there is an email asking me if I would like an interview.

Still nothing but more waiting.

With dating, waiting is a game that everyone involved likes to play. Well everyone involved except me. I hate all of the rules “Wait 3 days to call him or you’ll seem needy!” Um why can’t I just call him a day later to talk? It’s not like I”m going to be up in his ish…I just don’t want to wait around eating bon bons for my maybe prince charming to call.

Yes, I do usually ask the guy out, as you can guess I’m not the type to wait until he gets the courage to ask me out.  And yes it usually ends badly…like the time I demanded the guy take me on a date if he wanted to get any. What can I say, I’m just classy like that.

So what do you say? Let’s stop waiting and more doing, well at least for the things we can change. There will always be the phone call you’re waiting on, but why not call them? Why not at least do something productive while waiting in line, take the time you would be spending doing nothing…and just do something! Even if it is taking time to call your grandma, or picking off the nail polish you hate (okay, bad example I know). Let’s make a pledge to stop wasting time with just waiting, or at least try to.

Because, believe it or not..your time IS valuable.

The underdog always gets the bone

I sat watching my little sisters recital today…for 4 freakin’ hours. She was great, surprisingly good at hip hop girl can bust a move) and obviously when she took the stage my attention was on her.

However, when she wasn’t on stage I focused on the best dancer or just the one who seemed to be having fun. Until I started noticing something, any dance with 1 or 2 boys had certain dancers at the center of attention. Those certain dancers were the boys, whether they were good or not.

I leaned over to my mom at one point to see if she had noticed the same trend, and she did.

It seemed that in the dance world, or at this particular studio, if you were different then you automatically became the star. In dance it is all about the aesthetics, so when you are the odd man out you end up the star. Pretty sweet deal, right?

In this case, for once, the boys happened to be the underdogs so they got to shine…whether they wanted to or not.

In the work force it works the same way. The less there are of you, the more people want you. Look at college acceptances for once, if you are a middle class caucasian female chances are getting into the best college is going to suck unless there is a huge stand out quality (like you have a 5.2). But if you are a native american male or females chances are you will have a much easier time getting in. Why? aesthetics. Most schools or work places are all about equal opportunity, so whether or not you are better than another candidate might not matter.

As a caucasian middle class female (with 1/12th native american..not enough to actually count) I find this completely frustrating. Not only am I competing against the millions of women just like me, but I’m also competing against men (who will get a higher starting pay) and any minority that may apply.

So, just like my little sister I have to go above and beyond to prove to my boss that I am amazing (and different and talented and deserving of a raise). But while we wait for our moment to shine we might as well pick up an over grown rose and continue swaying it perfectly in tune with the music all the way in the back.