So, I stood someone up today. I’m not proud of it, and feel absolutely horrible. I also have avoided speaking with the person in question because I don’t know what to say.

It’s not like I can say “well, I just kind of wimped out, sorry.” or that “I’m not ready to date, and have no idea why I said I would go on one with you.” (which is more of the real answer)

The more I think about it, and the more guys I talk to, I’m really not ready to go out and cast my reel.

This past weekend I was looking at my sister’s wedding pictures, and my ex was right there, standing next to me. We looked so happy, it was awful. Obviously I quickly closed out and deleted them, I did not stare at them while listening to Adele…I definitely did not do that.

With every day, hour, minute, it’s supposed to get easier, right? I mean I’m only supposed to be utterly heartbroken for half of the time we were together, well at least that’s what Kate Hudson told me.

So what do I do when I’m not getting any better, and although I tell myself it was for the best I can’t help but feel crushed every time I hear a certain song and he isn’t sitting next to me. Or the fact (and I’m a little afraid to admit this because it shows how completely pathetic I am) that I haven’t watched South Park since the break up, it was one of the shows we always watched together.

The thing is I know I’m being an emotional train wreck (at least inside, I’m pretty sure most of my friends think I’m dealing with this …well not now). I know that I should just move on, that he isn’t waiting around for me…that (and to quote) he “just feels uncomfortable being around me” …because after sharing future plans with someone that’s how I would want them to feel.

I’m sure there is a better way to be handling this, and yes there is an Adele ban in my apartment now, I’m just not sure what that is.