If you do exist, which I am still not completely certain about (and we both know why), then could you please rapture everyone I know this coming Friday. I don’t need to be included in the rapture, I just would like to make sure the people in my life are safe.
If I am left on earth, as I assume I will be, can you please leave behind Ryan Gosling as well. I’m hoping if there are fewer people I’ll have a better shot with him. Though, you should help me out with that, I mean you kind of owe me and everything.
Also, for like a week, could you make air fare and Starbucks free? Since I will only have limited time, I’d like to see most of Europe, Egypt, India, and New Zealand….obviously while drinking Pumpkin Spice lattes.
As I recall, from an episode of American Dad, if I help you in your fight, with big scary monsters from Hell, then I will get saved. I’m not going to do that. I think I’d rather lounge by a pool sipping on alcoholic beverages with Mr. Gosling (Ryan, not the creepy guy with eight kids).
I know you think this is a huge favor, but really…it’s not. I don’t know that many people, plus most of them were probably on your list already. So really, you should thank me, I’ve just created a starter list for you.
Oh, and one more thing, if you really do smite people, can you smite me in some awesome way (assuming that’s what you plan for the people left on earth/hell/whatever it is renamed..maybe Mordor?). I’m thinking glitter, Oprah and a unicorn …I’m sure you can come up with something close enough to that, I’m mean since you created the world and everything…
Well that’s all for now. If I think of anything else I’ll be sure to send a carrier pigeon.