Tag Archives: humor

10 Ways to Meet New People (quantity, not quality)

Posted on by

1

Everyone is a dating expert now-a-days, add in free blogging platforms and the Cosmo like love advice becomes difficult to avoid.

One of my favorite guilty pleasure reads in YourTango, a fun sex and love advice e-zine, usually filled with tips that I wouldn’t try no matter how much tequila I was given.

However, one of their articles this past summer, “10 fun ways to meet men this summer” caught my eye. While I do enjoy many of the activities they added to their list, I couldn’t help but think there were better options out there, just browse through meetups.com. But, being the cynic I am I chose to focus on the bad rather than supply the good.

SO, without further adieu, check out these 10 potential locations to find a lust connection (notice how I didn’t say love there, yeah, I think I’m pretty funny too) :

1. Walk Your Dog. I hear dog poop is an aphrodisiac, apparently the writer thought so too.

2. Read a book at the beach or park. Nothing says approach me like reading a big book, especially one with a “juicy title”. While you’re at it why not chow down on some pig feet, because that will make you extra approachable.

3. Attend every party. Ah a girl after my own heart, however…if you’re at every single party you tend to look a bit desperate. Leave some mystery…and try to preserve your liver (yes I’m assuming you intend to get drunk at every party).

4. Enjoy outdoor concerts. Three words: Rick Springfield Date.

5. Dine outdoors. Because sitting on the patio alone says “Hey you in the sleeveless shirt with tattoos, come take me for a ride” …just me?

6. Join a hiking, biking or kayaking group. I actually like this one, I ..I don’t have anything bad to say. Unless you’re not the outdoorsy type, in which case please invite me along so I can tell you the best ways to scare off mountain lions.

7. Throw your own summer party. ”Not invited to any parties? Make your own!” How many people are going to come to your party if they aren’t inviting you to theirs…just think about that one for a second.

8. Hang out at Barnes and Noble on a rainy Sunday. On a rainy sunday I’m most likely going to be nursing my hang over from never turning down a party invite. Make up your mind! Am I to look smart or be a party girl..homegirl can not do it all.

9. Listen to live music at an outdoor bar. Oh, watch out! We’re combining number 4 and 5. That must make it doubly as awesome? While I’m not opposed to outdoor bars or live music (in fact I love that combination) the thought of balancing a beer while loudly flirting over live music does not sound appealing. I also have that magic ability to say the most awkward things as soon as the music stops, call it a gift if you’d like.

10. Stop at a coffee shop during the day. Not that I need anymore reasons to fuel my caffeine addiction, but if I did…meeting men here wouldn’t be one of them. Sure it could be nice to realize you both love your coffee tall, black, and strong, but talking to people before they enjoy their caffeine isn’t always the safest of ideas.

So tell me, where is your ideal Boston hangout to meet singles? And if it’s by the falafel king how have we not met yet?

My Future Vows to my (unknown) Future Husband

Posted on by

0

Yesterday I reaffirmed my love with Tumblr by re-discovering Love Notes to My Future Husband. So, as tribute, I decided to write my own sort of love note to my future husband, whoever that unlucky man should be.  

Well, this is your last chance to runaway. I’ll give you ten seconds to really think about it….

Okay, so you’re staying? You realize that you are also marrying into my crazy family, correct? Okay, good.

Just so we’re clear on a few things, I figured I should, you know, list out the things I vow to do while married.

Here goes nothing:

I vow to always bring yummy snacks on our road trips. Snacks that I’ll share with you while you do the driving, because let’s be honest I suck at driving and dislike it very much.

I also promise to engage in spontaneous Nerf gun fights with you, wherever, whenever…you may want to check under your seat at the reception.

I promise to never make you watch the bachelor, the bachelorette, or bachelor pad. But, if you happen to wander into the same room it is playing I won’t change the channel, I will, however, share my popcorn.

I vow to make you chicken soup when you’re sick, and walk the dog with you at night (hopefully by now we’ll have discussed how much we both want a dog). I promise to never openly compare you to Jim Halpert, since we all know he is the true love of my life…just kidding.

When we have kids I promise to let you be the bad cop. It’s really no problem, really.

I promise to hold your hand in public when you look absolutely disgusting and sweaty from your most recent workout, or if we’re just having a bum day. I promise to kiss you even when you have a scraggly beard and morning breath. And I promise to spend the rest of our lives loving you more than I do today.

Which will be easy because I’m writing all of this before I meet you. But I know someday I will get to finally meet you, and I’ll understand why it never worked with any other boyfriends. Until that day comes though I’ll be enjoying the whole single life with my wonderful roommates, however…when you do decide to make your grand entrance I would thoroughly appreciate if you’d bypass the mind games.

I can’t wait to meet you!

Love always,

Your future wife.

Life in the City: The Getaway

Posted on by

0

Sometimes the city starts to close in, and all of the problems that you’ve brushed away seem to find you, the people you wish to avoid are right around the corner, and that nagging voice that tells you “you’ll always be alone” gets louder.

That’s when you need to escape.

I’m a pro at that; the escaping part…though my nagging voice is pretty pro too, might’ve won the gold medal or something.

Thankfully, my parents gave me one and picked me up on the way to our camp in Maine. When I saw my mom at the door it was one of the moments where the past three weeks worth of emotions came out in one hug. It was nice to just feel like I didn’t have to hold it in, I mean she’s known me for 15 years now…she can deal with it.

She’s going to kill me for putting up this picture but it encapsulate everything I love about her. Unfortunately she isn’t wearing her pink crocs, next time.

After walking past her I got to my darling 14-year-old sister, I highlight the fact that she is 14 so other people who have a 14-year-old sibling understand. Understand what? Probably about as much as our parents who are raising them do.

After being caught up on the latest drama, I forgot how much happens when you’re 14, I settled in for the two and a half hour car ride to Grey. It was nice to just lounge in the car and not think about who I need to talk to, or who I’m currently mad/ignoring. I just got to think about how great the upcoming weekend would be. Can I just mention that while there I didn’t think about work ONCE! That’s pretty big for me.

Unfortunately my thoughts of nothing were interrupted with my little sister and mom’s conversation about “surprise babies.” So I volunteered the fact that I was a happy surprise baby, which led Kayla to the question:

“How do people have unplanned pregnancies?”

“Hey Ma, I’ll let you field that one.”

“Uh….”

Which then led to an uncomfortable conversation about how you should always use condoms, and why wouldn’t people want to use them all the time. I just stayed mute in the back.

It was weird to see my baby sister talk about how “when she has sex for the first time she’ll use a condom.”  Well one, that better be the case and two, you’re 14! I don’t want you thinking about that!

This whole trip made me realize that she’s growing up, a fact I’ve been quietly pushing away for quite some time now. Mainly because the faster she grows up, the faster I have to grow up, and I’ve done a lot of growing up already so I’m not all that pumped to jump on any fast track to adulthood that might be around.

While I have no doubts she’ll be an amazing young women (once she gets past this whole angst-y thing – that I obviously never went through….) I just don’t want to see her grow up too fast. And after seeing some ladies she used to be friends with I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t worried.

Back to me though.

So I was able to get away and get lost in memories from our childhood (like when my parents tried to put a hammock up, then both jumped in it, then both caused the hammock to fall. I’m still laughing as I think about it now). Plus, the whole being outside surrounded by trees and not cars helped too.

So ending advice: If you have an issue you can’t deal with- runaway. It will still be there when you get back, sometimes you just need a little space to figure out the best way to deal with it.

I used to be a good dater, what happened?

Posted on by

1

There was a time in my life where I went on over 60 first dates, not because I was looking for love (I think we all know I would’ve just gone on the Bachelor if that were the case) but because I wanted to meet new people and see what was out there.

Back then, I was an amazing dater. I never had a bad date because I wasn’t expecting anything, so technically I couldn’t. Now though, now that I’ve experience good relationships…I’m hooked. I don’t want to be single, in fact I hate being single.

That’s right, I, a 23-year-old good-looking (yeah I’m saying I’m good-looking) young woman doesn’t want to be single. Why? Because men suck, most guys, in fact, suck. So I’d rather just find my forever (a term I call that one and only) rather than dating a bunch of random people who are just wasting my time.

For instance: (also I realize a good chunk of you read this just to hear about disaster dates…so you’re welcome) A guy came over recently. Yeah, probably not the best idea I realize that now. He knew that he had an hour, and that I was in the middle of work so it was just a meet and greet. No funny business, I am a lady after all.

So anyway, we’re talking and politics come up. Without getting into much he’s a conservative and I am not. He proceed to call me a “brain washed lemming” and “Stalin.” I know what you’re thinking, when are we getting married.

Not to disappoint but I kicked him out shortly after the Stalin comment.

It’s guys like that that are making it difficult to be a good dater. I’m just not interested in going on bad date, after bad date…I’d much prefer Prince Charming to just show up at my door step and announce that I no longer need to search.

Then again I’m sure we’d all like that.

Life in The City: Breaking Up is Hard Enough

Posted on by

1

To start, yes that is from the infamous 2gether. I feel they are the only musicians to actually feel my pain. So, there’s that.

I’ve been putting off doing a customary break up post for about two weeks now. And while I have at least four different drafts sitting in my pending folder, none were really exactly what I wanted to say.

You see, normally I end up with this awesome break up story, some heart wrenching tale I can put into words ending with a “BAM at least I got that out of this.” But, this time it was a little more refined, maybe I’m just getting a bit classier in my old age – or just starting to date up.

So instead of sharing a tale about the woes of heartache, I decided I would give a guide to breaking up in the city.

Step 1: Cry. Get really ugly with it and just let it out. The first week is the only time it will be actually accepted, so go all out. Just cry.

Step 2: Change something about your routine. For me it was easy, it was my second week in the city so I didn’t really have a routine. I changed my running route, added yoga, and moved minor things in my room. Anything to make me not feel like a giant rock was crushing my chest every time I walked by. (I’m allowing myself to get dramatic with this..so suck it)

Step 3: Drink. There is nothing wrong with drowning your sorrows in one, two, five, ten drinks. Just make sure you have a responsible friend to weed out the unacceptables…

Step 4: Have a one night stand. I love mini web series, especially when they are under 10 minutes. One I fell in love with after a recent break up was “Dating Rules from my Future Self.” If you just broke up with someone go watch it, right now. I’ll wait.

Back?

Its amazing isn’t it!

In one episode they talk about how you need to have sorbet (a one night stand) to move on. The sorbet is only good for one night, and after that it’s done, past its expiration date, so don’t try to make something out of it.

Step 5: Have fun. Get busy, try new things, meet new people, enjoy life. The more you throw yourself into new activities the less you’ll think about the one person you’re missing.

It’s going to suck, especially when you have to pass his T stop every day, but you’ll be okay. Heck, you’re going to be better than okay. Why? Because you’re awesome and there are people just waiting in the wings to appreciate that.