just broken up with

“Supposed to” vs “Want to” (Part 2)

Disclaimer: This post was written ages ago, but in my need to share things I don’t want to share I figured I would just publish it now. So enjoy the last of sad, mopey, howtowithcourtney because girlfriend got kicked to the curb four months ago and will not be returning. 

I’m supposed to be going on dates with new people, feeling better about life, and basically not thinking about how much it hurts when I hear a familiar song. What I want to do is stay in my bed crawled up like a dead spider surrounded by candy wrappers.

As you guessed I’ve been pushing myself, just this once, to do what I’m supposed to do.  Which lead to me going on a date, a date I probably wasn’t that ready for.

Don’t worry, I didn’t start crying when any array of break up songs came on, I didn’t bring him up excessively, and I was really nice. It helped that my date was a true gentleman, and one of the sweetest guys I’ve ever met.

But, I wasn’t ready to get all romantical (it’s a word…just uh, trust me on that one). So when he kissed me (and Gavin Degraw’s “Not Over You” song was playing…I know, where are the cameras when you need them?!) I didn’t know what to do. All I kept thinking of was my ex, what was he doing? Has he gone on other dates yet? Is he with someone right now? Does he even care anymore?

Luckily I’m a pro at multitasking, so it didn’t subtract from my kissing skills.

The whole thing just made me stop and think: should I be dating right now? Everyone takes different amounts of time to process things, and I just happen to be a slow processor right now. We had talked about sharing a life together, it’s not something I can just shove in a box (like I did with everything else) and ignore.

And although this guy was pretty amazing (resulting in a 9 hour first date, talking and driving around AND making fun of people – my three favorite things in life) I’m just not ready to even think about seriously dating again.

That’s okay, right? For this particular situation I think that I should absolutely be able to do what I want to, at least for a couple more weeks.