I had no idea how much babies can spit up in an hour when I first applied for this position. Not only can they spit up at least 10 times in one hour, they will, also sometimes you get a projectile spit up. Sometimes landing up your sleeve. yes I said up not on.
If there is one thing I can not handle it’s white, sticky. lumpy goo coming out of someone’s mouth. Oh please, get your head out of the gutter. Basically anything that is coming up from ones stomach, I’m against. So you can imagine my delight to find out how often it occurs on a regular basis.
My first thought was, clearly this baby is possessed. I mean there are even other signs, it’s not like I would make this stuff up…
1. Projectile vomit
2. skin pealing in hair-line
3.Can turn head all the way around (well maybe not completely, but I’m sure if he could control his neck then yes, absolutely).
So you can understand my concern. Instead of watching Jabba’s offspring I’m stuck with satan in baby form.
I’m also positive that he controls the washing machine, as it goes off whenever he starts to cry…a mere coincidence? I think not. There are no coincidences in exorcisms.
And that, my loyal readers, is why I’m posing this question to you…and if you do know someone who can perform them get in touch (soon!). Stay tuned for next week: “Nanny Diaries: Baby Talk”