Tag Archives: Relationships

My Future Vows to my (unknown) Future Husband

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Yesterday I reaffirmed my love with Tumblr by re-discovering Love Notes to My Future Husband. So, as tribute, I decided to write my own sort of love note to my future husband, whoever that unlucky man should be.  

Well, this is your last chance to runaway. I’ll give you ten seconds to really think about it….

Okay, so you’re staying? You realize that you are also marrying into my crazy family, correct? Okay, good.

Just so we’re clear on a few things, I figured I should, you know, list out the things I vow to do while married.

Here goes nothing:

I vow to always bring yummy snacks on our road trips. Snacks that I’ll share with you while you do the driving, because let’s be honest I suck at driving and dislike it very much.

I also promise to engage in spontaneous Nerf gun fights with you, wherever, whenever…you may want to check under your seat at the reception.

I promise to never make you watch the bachelor, the bachelorette, or bachelor pad. But, if you happen to wander into the same room it is playing I won’t change the channel, I will, however, share my popcorn.

I vow to make you chicken soup when you’re sick, and walk the dog with you at night (hopefully by now we’ll have discussed how much we both want a dog). I promise to never openly compare you to Jim Halpert, since we all know he is the true love of my life…just kidding.

When we have kids I promise to let you be the bad cop. It’s really no problem, really.

I promise to hold your hand in public when you look absolutely disgusting and sweaty from your most recent workout, or if we’re just having a bum day. I promise to kiss you even when you have a scraggly beard and morning breath. And I promise to spend the rest of our lives loving you more than I do today.

Which will be easy because I’m writing all of this before I meet you. But I know someday I will get to finally meet you, and I’ll understand why it never worked with any other boyfriends. Until that day comes though I’ll be enjoying the whole single life with my wonderful roommates, however…when you do decide to make your grand entrance I would thoroughly appreciate if you’d bypass the mind games.

I can’t wait to meet you!

Love always,

Your future wife.

{College Files} I’m Single, Get Over It!

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” When night comes and you are on your own, you can say I chose to be alone. ”

Every once and awhile I find a post that I never published. Either I was too afraid, too busy, or just too lame to want to published these gems. Lucky for you (and me) I got over that, so here it is, yet another college post – this one from my senior year. 

For the past four years I have been a very single girl. With my career taking off, school consuming my life, and family creeping in every once in a while…I just have never had time. Nor was I all that interested.

After seeing so many of my idols go dateless, or even never get married…it never actually occurred to me that I would ever need someone to be happy. And I still feel that way.

I have been lucky enough to have many strong female role models in my life. But unfortunately a lot of those females let their careers take a back seat to families and love. After seeing a high-powered career woman give up everything for a man, it made me realize that I could and would never change my hopes and dreams for someone else. ever.

So while I’m progressing, at a very fast rate, through my last semester of college I’ve come to terms with the fact that I have been in a very serious and monogamous relationship for the past four years. I’ve been in a relationship with my career. We have a good thing going on and I don’t think I want to ruin it.

We trust each other, give each other little pick me ups when the other is down. PLUS my career never rags on me for not shaving my legs.

I know that people always say it’s lonely when you get to the top, and I’ll be disappointed that I didn’t find love. But after losing so many people who I have loved, the idea of losing someone else just isn’t worth the pain.

So, Sorry guys…but I’m single, and you will have to be pretty amazing (or Ryan Gosling) in order to change that.

I used to be a good dater, what happened?

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There was a time in my life where I went on over 60 first dates, not because I was looking for love (I think we all know I would’ve just gone on the Bachelor if that were the case) but because I wanted to meet new people and see what was out there.

Back then, I was an amazing dater. I never had a bad date because I wasn’t expecting anything, so technically I couldn’t. Now though, now that I’ve experience good relationships…I’m hooked. I don’t want to be single, in fact I hate being single.

That’s right, I, a 23-year-old good-looking (yeah I’m saying I’m good-looking) young woman doesn’t want to be single. Why? Because men suck, most guys, in fact, suck. So I’d rather just find my forever (a term I call that one and only) rather than dating a bunch of random people who are just wasting my time.

For instance: (also I realize a good chunk of you read this just to hear about disaster dates…so you’re welcome) A guy came over recently. Yeah, probably not the best idea I realize that now. He knew that he had an hour, and that I was in the middle of work so it was just a meet and greet. No funny business, I am a lady after all.

So anyway, we’re talking and politics come up. Without getting into much he’s a conservative and I am not. He proceed to call me a “brain washed lemming” and “Stalin.” I know what you’re thinking, when are we getting married.

Not to disappoint but I kicked him out shortly after the Stalin comment.

It’s guys like that that are making it difficult to be a good dater. I’m just not interested in going on bad date, after bad date…I’d much prefer Prince Charming to just show up at my door step and announce that I no longer need to search.

Then again I’m sure we’d all like that.

Life in The City: Breaking Up is Hard Enough

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To start, yes that is from the infamous 2gether. I feel they are the only musicians to actually feel my pain. So, there’s that.

I’ve been putting off doing a customary break up post for about two weeks now. And while I have at least four different drafts sitting in my pending folder, none were really exactly what I wanted to say.

You see, normally I end up with this awesome break up story, some heart wrenching tale I can put into words ending with a “BAM at least I got that out of this.” But, this time it was a little more refined, maybe I’m just getting a bit classier in my old age – or just starting to date up.

So instead of sharing a tale about the woes of heartache, I decided I would give a guide to breaking up in the city.

Step 1: Cry. Get really ugly with it and just let it out. The first week is the only time it will be actually accepted, so go all out. Just cry.

Step 2: Change something about your routine. For me it was easy, it was my second week in the city so I didn’t really have a routine. I changed my running route, added yoga, and moved minor things in my room. Anything to make me not feel like a giant rock was crushing my chest every time I walked by. (I’m allowing myself to get dramatic with this..so suck it)

Step 3: Drink. There is nothing wrong with drowning your sorrows in one, two, five, ten drinks. Just make sure you have a responsible friend to weed out the unacceptables…

Step 4: Have a one night stand. I love mini web series, especially when they are under 10 minutes. One I fell in love with after a recent break up was “Dating Rules from my Future Self.” If you just broke up with someone go watch it, right now. I’ll wait.

Back?

Its amazing isn’t it!

In one episode they talk about how you need to have sorbet (a one night stand) to move on. The sorbet is only good for one night, and after that it’s done, past its expiration date, so don’t try to make something out of it.

Step 5: Have fun. Get busy, try new things, meet new people, enjoy life. The more you throw yourself into new activities the less you’ll think about the one person you’re missing.

It’s going to suck, especially when you have to pass his T stop every day, but you’ll be okay. Heck, you’re going to be better than okay. Why? Because you’re awesome and there are people just waiting in the wings to appreciate that.

How To Win The Bachelor’s Heart

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Now, I wouldn’t say I’m an expert when it comes to reality t.v. dating shows…but let’s just say I’ve seen my share. I understand the rules, regulations, and forced drama. I crave the yelling, first kisses, and horribly cheesy dates.

One might say I enjoy sitting through two hours of fabricated love, and that person might be right. But, that is not why I’m writing this, I’m writing this to help every girl out there who ever dreamed of meeting Mr. Right via ABC. Who has given up on love at age 24 (because that’s reasonable) and just doesn’t know where else to look.

So, 22-year-old who just graduated college and is ready to meet Mr. Right on T.V. because it is obviously the better choice to online dating- this is for you:

Step 1: Wear either a light blue, navy, or blushing coral dress for the first meet and greet. When meeting him act a tad shy, but still have come confidence. A simple “Guess where my tattoo is?” with a little wink might be just the push he needs to choose you at the next ceremony. Don’t get pushed aside by batting your eyes or telling him how excited you are- go straight for sexy.

Step 2: Create a solid back story. Everyone loves a good story, this much I would hope to be obvious. Two things that will always help you stand out: A dead parent story (Trust me, I got your back on this one), or a heart warming tale about how close you are with your family, even though you were adopted. Sad family stories are your ticket to the first destination date.

Step 3: Start a fight. Guys love it when girls fight over them, so bring your drama to the front of each date and question why he kissed Tiffany. He’ll love that you show interest in his other budding relationships. So go ahead girl, jump up and down with your fists clenched every time he goes on another date. After all,  I’m sure you’ve never seen the show before so you don’t know what to expect.

Step 4: Your first group date. So, you’ve lasted this long without having to go on the disastrous group date. But, let me tell you- this may be your ticket to his heart! How so you ask? Well for starters, make a scene. Is he not giving you his full attention? Stomp your feet, have a nip slip, slap a hoe. Whatever it takes! Don’t stop until you’ve got mascara running down your face and his arm is around you. Then, you’re in.

Step 5: The final three. Okay, you’ve made it this far, only two more girls to nudge out before you get the cash- I mean your true love. Here’s the biggest tip I can give you, get both girls drunk and learn their most horrible stories. Once you have that piece of evidence hold it against them until they quit.

Step 6: Say yes. So both girls left, now it’s just the two of you (the way ABC had planned it after hearing your sob story). All that’s left is to say yes, then appear on the “After the Final Rose.”

Step 7: Stage a public break-up. Okay, so you’re 23 now and realized there is no chance in hell you want to be married to some guy that you met on a t.v. show. So you have a big fight about everything that went down during the t.v. show and call it quits. This only leaves you sad and alone, so you decide it’s time for a change and become the next contestant on “The Choice“.

Stay tuned for more helpful tips on wooing the next Bachelor, and watch out for me on the next season! (Just kidding, although wouldn’t that be hysterical?)