The first step to the survival of any crises is to stock up on alcohol. It will get you though the boring nights of life without the internet, and help in the impending zombie attack. Because everyone knows hurricanes leave zombies in their wake.
Speaking of Zombies, you may want to brush up on your zombie fighting skills, try popping in Shaun of The Dead or The Karate Kid (the original, none of this mini fresh prince of Bel-Air crap…you need real help!).
You will also want to stock up on things that don’t need to be refrigerated, i.e. Oreos, Peanut butter, bread, cereal, chocolate, wine, etc.
Next, tape your windows. Use duck tape to make designs of your choice on the windows. It shows the zombies you’re willing to fight, and will also prevent major glass from breaking all over you. But mainly shows the zombies you’re going to put up a fight.
In order to make sure you don’t become a zombie you must, MUST stay inside. Do not drink tap water, and if the rain gets on you wipe if off immediately then, drink a Pepsi. It’s the only thing that will cure the water driven zombie virus from spreading. Though, you will probably have to cut off whatever appendage got wet.
Also, be sure to make a giant fort in the middle of the middle most room in your house/apartment/cardboard box. Use thicker blankets for the window side of your fort and stock it with a mini fridge and plenty of weapons. Yes my friends, you finally get the blanket fort you always dreamed about as a kid.
After the four-week mark, when most of your family and friends have turned into zombies and the hurricane has officially passed, you may want to go outside. DON’T. It’s a trap. You need to be strong and stay inside. If you do need to go outside, maybe the national guard is stupidly evacuating you, be sure to make a Pepsi bomb (Put a mentos in a bottle of Pepsi, shake vigorously) the zombies will be confused by the fizzing bottle then burn when the Pepsi hits them. It’s the only way to get rid of them.
Do not be fooled by their cries to help, they are just hungry for your brains.
If you do manage to get out of your apartment and into your car without being bit/killed then jump in your car and drive as fast as you can to Canada. Apparently zombies are afraid of Canadians, so obviously it’s the best choice if you wish to survive the zombie apocalypse caused by hurricane Irene.
